He's gone.

And it blows. At least the waiting until it starts is over. Now I just have to get myself into a routine. Except that for now all I want to do is lay on the couch and cry.

I'll start my routine tomorrow.

countdown

The Countdown

It sucks. Every day, waiting for that call to come in that's going to change your life. Wondering if your husband wants space while he prepares, or if you are giving him space, does he think that you are trying to distance yourself already? It's a nightmare. And then on top of it all, creeps in this overwhelming feeling that you want the damn thing to start already so it can be over already. Then you feel guilty for wishing your spouse out the door.

Deployment Madness people. I've had my fill and yet here we go around again. We've been through this enough time to catch ourselves when we start picking fights so we don't miss one another as much ((total lie by the way. You'll miss each other more and have guilt on top of everything else)).

Generally with each deployment comes something I like to call Sergeant Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong while your spouse is downrange. Some of my personal favorites include breaking down in the high desert of California with a preschooler, a toddler, an infant and a dog, and my daughter knocking out her two front teeth jumping on her bed. Everyone has their favorite Sgt. Murphy's Law story. I know of one lady who actually set fire to her oven and blew out the electricity for her entire building on thanksgiving one year.

Generally with Sgt. Murphy's law, you get some leeway, if only a day or two, after the deployment starts. Ours hasn't even begun yet but here we go already. My infant daughter I. is not gaining weight. At all. She's hitting all of her milestones to be sure, down to crawling around the house and eating solid foods like a champ. But she's only eleven pounds. So we get to go through the barrage of testing that her pediatrician feels is necessary at this point. poor baby was stuck twelve times without them getting a single drop of blood from her before they let me take her home. And now S. has gotten an infection. We spent the entire day in the Acute Care Clinic dealing with a 105 degree fever. The docs kept saying she didn't look like she had a 105 fever, I must be exaggerating. So they'd take her temp and realize i was right, not being overprotective. And then ten minutes later a new doc would come in and it would start all over again.

Perhaps this means that I'm getting it all out of the way now, and I won't have to deal with it after he leaves. There's no way I could get that lucky, but hey, a girl can hope right? I think DH may be winding up his call to his mother so I think it's safe to venture back into the room and spend some time cuddling with him before he goes.

Deployment Length and the right to support

Can somebody pleeease tell me why it is only okay to seek out support if your spouse deploys for 12-15 months? Not everybody gets that option. My husband for example deploys individually. His deployments are shorter, but he deploys more frequently. His last deployment was for six months, and he's been home six months. We barely recieved word that he'll be leaving asap for a nine month deployment again. because it is only a nine month deployment, he won't be eligible for R&R. BUT, because it's only a nine month deployment I've been made to feel like I don't get the right to support, or to be upset. It's frustrating. We're still missing our second christmas in a row, he'll still miss B's second birthday just like he missed his first, he wont' be there for I's first birthday either. I understand that most of this is par for the course. But what is usually par for the course is the ability to commiserate with others who are going through the same seperation. I don't get that opportunity, and generally it doesn't bother me as much, but today it's irking me to no end. Not to mention that after he gets back, he'll still only get a few months stabilization before he's gone again. What's more is that because he deploys individually, his unit's FRG is of no help at all. As a matter of fact, when he was injured on his last deployment and was meddivaced out for surgery, it was I who called his unit to inform them, not the other way around.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if he was part of a normal unit. He could deploy with people he knows and trusts, and I wouldn't have to feel like I have no right to miss him. Not to mention how nice it would be not to get dirty looks from the women whose husbands are gone in the commissary when he's home and shopping with me. I don't shoot them dirty looks when their husbands are home when mine isn't.

Sometimes the military community can be the greatest place in the world, but there are times, and now feels like one of them, where it's a case of one upping each other over whose got it the worst. Why can't we just agree that our lives are difficult in general and be miserable together? While I don't envy you your fifteen month deployments, my nine month deployment with five children, overseas isn't exactly a picnic either.

Here we go again

First, a little about me. I'm Kayti. I have five children of my own and a stepson who lives in Georgia with his mother. I also have a husky puppy who is the bane of my existance. My husband's name is Ben. Everyone else I ever blog about including my children, I'll either nickname or I'll abbreviate to their first initial. This is for persec. Or for you civilians out there, personal security. I don't know what kind of whackjobs are out there reading this.

I'm an army wife. Hence the name of my blog. My husband is preparing to head out on his third deployment. We've had little to no warning about this one and he only came home a few months ago so I'm a little on the irked side. But life is what it is so all I can do is paste on a smile, stick some love notes in his rucksack and start planning his care packages.

I'm an avid quilter and knitter. Actually, I love crafting of all types. So I may post progress on my various works in progress ((or WIP's)) from time to time. To tell you the truth, I'm not certain what I'll be blogging about in general. Blogging has helped me through his last two deployments. I know it will help me with this one.

Welcome to The Yellow Ribbon. Welcome to my life.